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Newsletters by Wendy Allen

 

SWITCH ON YOUR G.P.S.

“A Grounded Powerful Strength guides your way in the darkest of storms.
Find it. Rely on it” — LMB

We live in a crazy world where think lying is okay, calling names is normal, and defending ourselves by attacking others is strong. The “truth” is that lies ARE lies no matter how you try to fool the world into thinking they’re not. Calling others names, in reality, harms relationships—no matter how much you try to “normalize” it or justify it. And defending yourself by attacking others is a sign of fragility, not strength.

There will always be people who try to prey on the weak, puff themselves up by stomping on others and who take pride in never saying they’re sorry. These are the people you need to stay clear of, not emulate. Our culture often confuses strength with aggression—don’t buy in. Aggression is about losing control, not about strength. Pumping yourself up by stomping on others is about security, not confidence. Preying on the weak is about not wanting to be seen as weak yourself. Stop trying to prove your worth by denying your mistakes, thumping your chest or asking the world to see greatness. And stop allowing others who do this to shake your sense of worth.

When in doubt, let your GPS be your guide. Slow down, tune in, and breathe. Get calm before acting. Get clarity before speaking. When you speak, do so from a place of strength and confidence. A Grounded Personal Strength is about owning your worth and standing behind everything you do. Get grounded in it. Show up as the equal you are and honor those who do the same.

Challenge: Pay attention to the concept of “power” this week. See if you can notice the difference between those who act from a “power-over” paradigm versus those who act from a “power from within” paradigm. Notice which paradigm you use as well. A GPS is power-from-within; feel the difference when you incorporate it into your life.

Lisa Merlo Booth, my mentor
C:1/2018

 

Wendy Allen, Ph.D, MFT is an expert in couples and marriage therapy. She has been practicing in Santa Barbara for almost 30 years. She is the only Marriage therapist in the tri-counties using the Real Relational Living model, from which all of these ideas are based upon.