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Newsletters by Wendy Allen

 

POWER OF THOUGHTS

HAPPY SEPTEMBER!
TIME GOES BY FAST, SO LET’S MAKE OUR RELATIONSHIPS GREAT

My Case Consultant, Lisa Merlo-Booth (Sept 1, 2014) sent this one out:

The divorce rate for first time marriages continues to hover at 50%. Second marriages have a divorce rate of 62-70% and third time marriages have an outrageous divorce rate of 74%! The chances of finding lasting happiness in your next marriage is slim if you never learn the lessons of this one.

In any relationship—at home, work, or in life—the only thing you have control of is you. This is how you set a boundary around yourself, Until you look at what you’re doing that isn’t serving you in your relationships, you are destined to repeat it. And—hint—don’t fool yourself into into thinking that the only thing you’re doing is choosing wrong. Refuse to blame your failed relationships on the “jerky” people you were with and, instead, start looking at what you did to contribute. Did you silence to rage, placate to be “nice,” micromanage because you “ knew better?”  Listen to the complaints about you from those closest to you—those complaints are your biggest tip to a brighter future.

Challenge:  Get your eyes off changing others and start changing you. The healthier you become, the healthier people you will attract.

Warmly,

Wendy

 

Wendy Allen, Ph.D, MFT is an expert in couples and marriage therapy. She has been practicing in Santa Barbara for almost 30 years. She is the only Marriage therapist in the tri-counties using the Real Relational Living model, from which all of these ideas are based upon.